The Emotional Fallout of Inconsequential Thinking

[Doha]

The Emotional Fallout of Inconsequential Thinking

Over the past few months, I have been on a journey of redefining and re-finding myself. It has been a path of twists and turns and emotional ups and downs.

Throughout this journey, I have been trying to find all the "whys" of how I became where I am now. With deep reflection, a lot of self talk, and quiet moments of deliberate consideration, I came to the conclusion that I seem to attract people who think and act without consequential thought or purpose. It is the reason I have been abused in the past. It is also the reason that I am an empath.


Consequential Action and Thought
If you think like I do, you consider outcomes, or consequences, prior to making any decisions. It could be as simple as voicing a thought, or as complex as departing from a long term marriage.

Consequential thought processes take time, energy and patience. For a moment, an idea or response comes into mind, and you take time to consider how your words or actions will impact other people. You also consider a variety of outcomes, or scenarios, prior to following through on your thought process.

Empathy, or often sympathy, aids in consequential thinking. In fact, an empathetic response is what drives your consequential words or actions. You take the time to consider other people's feelings and emotions . You consider the repercussions of what comes from you, and act or speak accordingly. Before speaking or acting, you look into the future, and see the potential harm you can be causing others. Sometimes it makes you stop what you are saying or doing, for fear of damaging someone else's emotions.

With that said, the consequential thinker will often NOT act or speak, allowing others to control the outcome. There are pros and cons to this, as there is a chance that other people's emotional response may be the catalyst for not making a choice that would be best for you.

As an empath, I have found myself caught up in the webs of people who act or speak without consequence, and I understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of a lack of consideration. I am well aware of what it feels like when others act, or think, without considering the fallout of their inconsequential thinking processes.

Inconsequential Thinkers
Acting and responding to situations, without consequence, has many ripple effects. These people are impatient, fast thinkers and talkers, and are often perceived as narcissistic or selfish.

Say, for example, you are in a situation were you can make two choices. One will cause emotional, or even physical harm to another person, and the other choice will not harm others, but will not benefit you either. What do you do?

Inconsequential thinkers make choices based on their own needs, wants, or desires. They may not even consider what will happen to themselves, when they think and act rashly.

Here is a real life scenario, that I actually just went through. This is a classic case of inconsequential thinking:

I was gifted a Bucket List gift to go to Greece, by my "then" boyfriend, for Christmas and my 50th birthday. He had gifted it to me while we were still "doing well" in our relationship, but something happened before the trip that made me reconsider my life with him. I chose to walk away, and begin my life without him.

Throughout our breakup period, we were still keeping in touch, and he was begging me to return. Although I struggled with his attempts, I held fast to my decision to stay friends. I chose to not go on the trip with him, even though he asked me repeatedly to go. I simply didn't feel it was safe for me to go. My mental health was in a healing process and I didn't want it to revert. So, I opted out of my bucket list trip.

The reason for Greece as a destination was because I love the culture, the food, and the amazing country that Greece is. It has been on my list for as long as I could remember. I introduced him to all of what Greece could potentially offer, and although he never embraced it to the point I did, he enjoyed the possibility of going together.

After I declined to go along on the trip with my ex, I suggested that he gift me my portion of the trip and I would take my daughter along. He would have none of that, and honestly dismissed the discussion. Fair enough.

The week we were to depart on my bucket list trip, he sent me a couple of gift cards from an airline, so that I could plan my own trip. I will admit, I was touched slightly, by his generosity, and I emailed him a thank you note. I felt that perhaps, he was coming around to consequential thought for the first time, and it moved me. That is, until I discovered the WHY of his sudden generosity.

As it turned out, he opted to take someone along, on the gift he had given me. She was a woman he had known only for a few short hours, and who he met on a dating app. Not only did he take her along, but one of our dear friends drove the two of them to the airport, leaving her vehicle in the driveway of the house he and I shared. I still had contents in the house, and due to her vehicle being there, it impeded my ability to back up a truck to remove my items.

When I questioned him about it, he actually said, "This is just a good time, no strings attached trip". In other words, he was taking her along, without thinking of the consequences of his actions. Nice.

The effects of his choice, without thinking of the consequences of how he would affect others, had a serious emotional impact on me. He shared with me that "this woman" made the choice, last minute, to jump on a plane with a stranger and fly away with him. His rash decision not only affected me, but it affected the relationship we could have had, as amicable human beings. It impacted our friends. It made the people who surround us do a double take and ask more questions. It turned our "friendship" into one of animosity and pain. I reacted and tried to hurt him back, and a shit storm developed in a sky, that was once simply overcast.

That is what inconsequential thinking is. It is acting based on what you want, desire, or think is best for you, regardless of how it will affect others.

This was a huge A-HA moment for me, and in a matter of moments, a flood of flashbacks took over. All of the times that he and I had issues in our relationship were the effects of his quick, rash decisions, without considering the consequences or the impact that he left behind. He has always been an impatient person who has always made decisions based on his needs, rather than ours, or even mine. Without getting into further detail, I will say that there is a long history of his quick reactions, and that was ultimately the demise of our life together.

I am a consequential thinker, and he is not. I am not saying that either of us is right or wrong, but I will say that we did not live happily together because of his left and my right way of opposing thought processes.


The Pros and Cons
There are pros and cons of both ways of thought or actions.

The Cons
Inconsequential thought can be dangerous. It leads others to see you as selfish, arrogant and aggressive. It also lends to a fallout of unpredictable recourse.

Consequential thought process also has its risks. It can make other perceive you as a pushover, or a doormat, allowing you to put yourself in a situation where you could be taken advantage of. If you are the type of person who evaluates outcomes before actions or words, you can be see as a weaker link in a tribe. People will get to know you as the empathetic one, and you may appear weaker, rather than someone with strength and patience.

The Pros
People who react, respond, or act without considering consequences appear like strong, or "type A" people. They are quick, respondent, and they get shit done, without hesitation. Large corporations thrive on people who are quick respondents and who stop at nothing to make shit happen. They are often seen as leaders. Typically, they are seen as people who succeed.

Others who think and react after considering who and what their actions will affect are seen as kindhearted people. Others perceive them as patient, concerned, and calm in their reactions. They take the time to think before allowing their greed or selfishness to take over them. They can be held in other's eyes as martyrs. They are the humans who make slow changes, and follow through by ensuring that their decisions benefit others. People who donate to causes, or who fight for peace and rights are the humans who think through, consequentially.

In Conclusion...
The two ways of thought, be is consequential or inconsequential are a matter of choices that people make. It really boils down to how you see others in relationships, be they work, intimate, familial, or otherwise. It is also determined by the level of respect you carry for others, and your inner self need for self fulfillment.

Self fulfillment is also determined by whether pleasing others makes you happy, or if pleasing yourself is held in the highest regard.

Ultimately, it is your life, and how you choose to act or respond is your choice. It is your accountability. How it affects others is often unseen until it is too late. Another factor of how you choose to act relies heavily on the stock you take of how others perceive you. If you are not concerned with how others see you and your actions, the way you think becomes irrelevant. On the other hand, if you hold relationships and acquaintances close to your heart, how you act can, and most likely will affect their perception and will make an impact on your relationship.

It can be a gift to consider consequences prior to making choices, yet it can also be a curse. If you are someone who is incapable of considering outcomes before you react, or respond to a situation, you may be more comfortable with yourself, knowing that your intent is purely to appease yourself.

The choice is up to you.

By Christina Hausauer