3 Practical Ways to Use Rejection to Build Resilience

[Shaha Noor]

3 Practical Ways to Use Rejection to Build Resilience
By Ari Honarvar

When I was 6, women in Iran lost their right to sing or jog in public. Just as this war on women was becoming our new normal, we found ourselves in the midst of the Iran-Iraq war. It lasted eight years. The impact of losing loved ones, the threat of missile strikes and the struggle of food shortages all added to our daily stress.

Many people became resigned and despondent or angry and irritable. At the same time, though, I watched a group of remarkable women who seemed to thrive under the hostile conditions. I observed their ability to become scrappy and use all the possible resources available to live. Faced with food rations, they experimented with new recipes. Faced with fear, they strengthened their inner comedian, telling jokes and making us laugh until our eyes watered. Inspired by these women, I wanted to learn to turn stress into fuel, too.

When I became a writer, it occurred to me that perhaps one of the most abundant "stress fuels" in life is rejection. Building and maintaining relationships was essential for our survival as a species, so humans evolved to fear rejection. I don't know how prevalent rejection was 10,000 years ago, but if we look at our lives now, we can find it everywhere: on the playground, at school dances, job hunting, dating. And if you are a salesperson or entrepreneur, or have a career in the creative field, your rejection quota can increase exponentially.
Rejection is so painful that many people stop taking risks altogether, feeling like their efforts are for nothing and their goals unachievable. The good news is there are practical ways to alleviate the pain of rejection and even use it as an ally in practicing well-being:

1. Improve your emotional granularity.
2. Perform a rejection ritual.
3. Maintain a basic body budget.

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