Five ways to communicate better – and influence people

[Monirul Islam]

Whether it's Michel Barnier and David Davis talking themselves to a standstill in Brexit negotiations, or the impending face-off between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un, the vexed topic of good – and bad – communication is on our minds. But is there a way to make your conversations and interactions better? As communication theorists, we examined how to make friends, influence people and reach agreements. Here are some tips:

How do I make friends?
Don't start a conversation about things that interest you. Be the one who is interested in the other person's topics and enter every conversation with Bill Nye's rule in mind: "Everyone you'll ever meet knows something that you don't." The psychology behind this: People forget what they talked about with you, but not how they felt in your presence.

How do I influence people?

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Ask for advice. People love giving advice. Start your small talk with a request for advice: "I want to buy a phone (or, depending on the circumstances, perhaps a cocktail or a book), but I can't decide which one." Most people will happily open up. If you ask for advice, you create intimacy – and intimacy makes rejection difficult. Therefore, if you want to influence someone, it is a good idea to ask that person for advice first.

How do I talk to foreigners?
"There was once a Finn who loved his wife so much that he almost told her." It's a joke, and yet not a joke. Because many Finns are indeed introverted, even taciturn people. The supreme rule of so-called intercultural communication: Be aware of your own culture and don't actually spend too much time thinking about the other. Instead, step back and simply think about the way that you communicate.

How do I reach an agreement?
One of the best-known negotiating methods is by Roger Fisher and William L Ury. Imagine a complex situation – negotiating a ransom demanded by a blackmailer or pocket money with your children – and apply the following principles: Think issue, not person – don't be distracted by whether you like the other person or not, focus on the topic. Think interests, not position: don't think, I am in the weaker (or stronger) negotiating position. Ask yourself: what does the other person need from me? Do we have common interests? Think good enough, not perfect: don't aim for the maximum possible return.

How to be quick-witted in a job interview
If you always think of your best lines when the meeting is over, console yourself with the French phrase that encapsulates the phenomenon – l 'esprit de l'escalier – "staircase wit". Psychologists recommend this simple trick: wait five seconds before answering – your answer might not be any cleverer, but it comes across as weightier. Also, keep in mind that although being quick-witted can be impressive in a job interview, it is seldom required in most jobs – and most HR people know this.


Source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2018/apr/08/five-ways-to-communicate-better-and-influence-people