Seven steps to lasting happiness!!!

[Doha]

Step 1 - Discover yourself

There is a purpose in each of our lives. We may need to dig deep within ourselves to find out what that purpose is, but the clearer our mission is, the better are our chances of accomplishing it. Each day is a new day, a day that brings fresh learning about ourselves and our environment. For this learning to happen, we need to be alert and reflect on our experiences. We are bound to learn at least one (if not several) powerful lesson daily, if we are fully conscious of what is going on around us. Every choice we make shapes our destiny. Therefore, let us make wise choices that are consistent with the type of destiny we are aspiring to.

If we know who we really are, what we want in life and how we want to lead our lives, we have a very good chance of accomplishing our aspirations. The articulation of who we are, what we want in life and how we want to lead our lives can be called our personal mission statement. Each of us has a unique mission in life. To discover our individual mission requires the willingness to embark on an inner journey ? to define the personal visions and values that are meaningful to us. Writing a formal mission statement can bring clarity and focus to this journey. The mission statement reveals who we want to be and what contributions we want to make to society. It also clarifies the values and principles that must guide our actions, if we are to achieve these aspirations. It encompasses the various roles we play as individuals and as family and community members.

Our mission statement clarifies and focuses our vision and aspirations. Once we have a clear idea of these, we need to start evaluating whether we are actually living in tune with our mission. Being aware means being conscious of our everyday motivations, actions and responses. It allows us to discover the gap between how we want to lead our lives and how we actually do.

A helpful way to gain insight into ourselves is to keep a daily journal. This is a useful tool for revealing what is really happening in our lives, as opposed to what we think is happening. It also allows us to better evaluate our motives, reactions, shortcomings and strengths.

Step 2 ? Maintain positive attitudes

We're all gifted and blessed in our own unique ways. When we treasure who we are and believe in our inherent capabilities, we find that the world also starts to believe in us. When we are willing to bet on ourselves, the world will bet on us as well.

A blessing comes our way daily. Some people may appear to receive more blessings than others. However, the more we focus on what we have and what we are receiving daily, the more blessings we attract. So counting our blessings not only makes us focus on the positive things in our lives, but also creates the energy for multiplication of these blessings. We have no control over what others think and do. The only control we have is over our thoughts and actions. The more we concentrate on our thoughts and capacity, the more we take control of our happiness. This means ceasing to worry about what others think and giving people the benefit of doubt. The most we can be expected to do is our best. It is a good feeling when we win in the race of life, but it is an even a better feeling when we know that we have done our best ? irrespective of winning or losing. Once we have used all our faculties and given our best, we cease to worry about the rest; whatever happens subsequently happens for the best.

In the journey of life, there will be highs as well as lows. This is the law of nature. We need to be as happy during our lows as we are during our highs, because every low comes in a package with a beautiful lesson. When we go about our lives with confidence and poise, we gain respect. When we become egoistic, we become shallow and lose respect.

If we think small, we remain small. If we go to the ocean with one bucket, the ocean will give us one bucket of water. If we go to the ocean with ten buckets, the ocean will give us ten buckets of water. So, don?t bargain with life for a penny. If we ask for too little or for something we don?t really want, then that is what we will get. Thinking big is about recognizing our innate beauty and power. It is about coming to know our divine greatness and this knowing nurtures and supports our belief in ourselves.

Along our journey of life we will come upon obstacles in the pursuit of our goals, but we must persevere and continue believing in ourselves. Obstacles in our path are only detours, not roadblocks. True success lies not in never failing, but rather in rising after every fall; every failure has a seed of potential success in its womb. A person who has never failed is a person who has never succeeded.

Sometimes, we are overwhelmed by life?s many problems and feel powerless as individuals to effect any positive change. Margaret Mead once said, ?never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has?. A human being?s self worth and happiness is at its highest when that individual is working to his or her fullest potential.

Step 3 - Hone your life skills

We have been given a finite amount of time on earth. The same 24 hours a day has been given to each one of us. How we spend our time, however, is our choice. Our happiness comes from focusing our energies on the things that we identify as important in life and that are aligned to our mission. If we try to do too much, our priorities become jumbled, which can lead to confusion, frustration and unhappiness.

The more we involve ourselves in activities that carry the greatest meaning and value for us, the greater are our chances for experiencing real growth. This may mean giving up some, perhaps many, of the things we are habitually involved in. By doing fewer of these nonessential activities, we free up more time for the essentials. We increasingly focus on areas that are consistent with our goals, objectives and purpose in life.

We all have many roles and responsibilities, and when we are able to devote sufficient time to the ones we designate as most important to us, we can create balance and harmony in our lives. In the fullest sense, balance is achieved through the harmony of body, mind and soul. It is the fusion of the different facets of life that renew each other and produce the synergy within us.

For a car to run well, the four wheels have to be aligned. Similarly, for a person to function smoothly, the four wheels ? spirituality, physical fitness, mental aptitude and social and economic well-being ? have to be well aligned. If one tire has no air or too much air and the others have very little air, the car will not run smoothly. A human life operates in a similar fashion. Therefore, health and finance, along with spirituality, mental aptitude and family unity are important ingredients in the holistic approach to life.

Leadership is a valuable life skill because it allows us to move ahead in our chosen endeavors, especially those that involve working closely with others. We are all leaders in our own way, as parents, professionals, business people, community members, neighbors or co-workers. Also, we may be leaders in some roles and followers in other roles. A good leader is also a good follower.

Essential ingredients of leadership are the willingness and ability to empower others. When we empower others, we respect and support their innate abilities. When we overpower others, we may be disliked and are ineffective. As we empower others, we are empowered in the process, which enhances our own satisfaction and happiness.

Step 4 ? Build healthy relationships

Our relationships with our close ones play a big part in our lives. When we have healthy relationships filled with love, respect, dialogue, and learning, we experience abounding happiness.

Tiger Woods?s father, Earl Woods, served in Vietnam and his assignments kept him away from his first wife and three children ? eventually leading to divorce. Tiger was the only child of Earl?s second marriage. Earl Woods had learned from his past experience and wanted to have a different relationship with this son. He spent quality time with Tiger, gave him unconditional love and earned Tiger?s trust and respect. By spending a lot of time with Tiger, Earl instilled the love of golf in him. Tiger knows he has gone so far in golf because of his parents. Earl Woods taught his son not only golf, but also the meaning and power of unconditional love.

Effective communication is a prerequisite to happy and fulfilling relationships. This entails open, sincere and respectful dialogue and keeping our minds clear of bias and presumptions. Effective communication is more than just words; our actions and body language often communicate far more than our words do.

Family is the heart of society, which is made up of multitudes of families. Strong societies are comprised of strong families. Creating an enabling environment in the home and providing emotional support are the building blocks and keys to family unity and happiness.

Also, being positive with our children and recognizing their good qualities at every opportunity can help them feel good about themselves.

Step 5 ? Let ethics and values be your guide

Ethical living, forgiveness and pure intentions enable us to connect with the spirit, thereby tuning into divinity and bliss. Of all the joys that there may be, the joy of giving is one of the best. When we bring true joy to the lives of others, we create joy in our own lives. The more we give, the more we have.

Our deepest joy comes from living an ethical life. Unethical living may bring temporary happiness, but it will be short-lived. Deep within each of us is a soul that is pure, which is why when we engage in pure activities, we experience happiness. Ethics are more than simply a moral code distinguishing between right and wrong. For me, they carry a much broader meaning, which includes living a life guided by our principles, integrity and harmony with our inner conscience. Ethics extend to living a life that is filled with love, respect, forgiveness, generosity and kindness. Ethics also pertain to having a social conscience, being environmentally aware and friendly, and preserving the sanctity of life. Everyone deserves respect, irrespective of his or her status. Being ethical means having a heart big enough to forgive others for their shortcomings and truly understanding that ?to err is human, to forgive, divine?. Ethics also extend to remaining non-judgmental and refraining from gossip and backbiting. Ultimately, ethics are not just prescriptions for living life; they have to do with obligations and responsibilities that are larger than ourselves and our ego and extend to our families, our communities, wider society, the whole planet and all of life itself. As Emmanuel Kant said, ?the greatest human quest is to know what one must do in order to become a human being?.

Think of ethics as the backdrop against which we paint the picture of our lives. They are the foundation upon which we build the smallest and greatest of our accomplishments. Our ethics are like the number zero in our lives. We can only count numbers because there is a zero. Similarly, ethics are the foundation of our living; everything else we do emerge from them.

At some point in our lives we have all been hurt by someone. Similarly, we have all hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. When we have been deeply hurt by someone, the scar remains for a long time. The deeper the hurt, the longer it stays and the longer the healing takes. One way to aid the process of recovery, is to forgive wholeheartedly. Once we have forgiven someone wholeheartedly, we have begun the journey of recovery, of lessening the impact of the incident or hurt, and thereby retaining more energy for positive thoughts and actions. This paves our way to happy living. If we forgive wholeheartedly, we will benefit; if we don?t, the grudge and anger will prolong our misery. When on the cross, Christ said, ?forgive them, Father; they know not what they are doing?. We cannot all forgive as Christ did, but this is an example of wholehearted forgiveness in its most absolute and complete sense.

Sometimes, we are not comfortable approaching a person directly to offer or show our forgiveness. At times, the person has moved away or even died. Here, we have to realize that we can forgive in the confines of our heart or by writing down our contrition in our journal. When we do this, we feel a healing release and the other person feels the energy of our forgiveness. Try this and see how you are able to release your negative energy and gradually feel the positive vibes from the person whom you are forgiving.

Step 6 ? Awaken your spirituality

Our lives on earth are limited to our physical existence, whereas our spiritual lives are eternal. If we want lasting happiness then, we need to live a spiritual life. This can be done by connecting our physical actions to spirituality. Whatever we do, we should assess its spiritual merit. By so doing, we can transform our physical acts into a spiritual one. With daily prayers, meditation, contemplating nature and connecting with the spirit, we can turn our lives into divinity and bliss.

Our lives are comprised of two parts: the material life and the spiritual life; body and soul. Each one affects the other and the only time they separate is at death. To attain happiness in our physical and material lives, it is vital that we connect our material outlook to spirituality. For example, if we work with honesty and integrity with a view to supporting our family and contributing to society and those who are less fortunate than we are, our work becomes connected to spirituality. If we study hard to make the world a better place, our studying becomes connected to spirituality. If we nurture our children and provide them the ethics and principles to guide their decisions and the self-esteem to believe in themselves and their abilities, then our caring for our children is connected to spirituality. These are some ways in which we can translate our material actions to spirituality. Spirituality does not just exist in places of worship; it is right in our midst, in everything we do from dusk to dawn.

This personal interpretation and expression of prayer does not diminish the merit of more formal and established prayers. These provide consistency and familiar reminders of the spiritual life. These types of prayers, such as the Lord?s Prayer, have to be translated into action however, if they are to be effective in dynamically connecting to the Divine.

Meditation takes us on a journey inside ourselves to seek a connection with the Divine essence. This practice, if sufficiently strong and dedicated, has the potential to bring about spiritual enlightenment, which arises when we understand the deeper mystery and meaning of life. The road to enlightenment has many levels and stages and involves stripping away layers of illusion and delusion to get to the underlying spiritual truth ? the heart of Divine realization. The key to happiness and inner peace is inside us and not outside. Meditation helps us find that key.

When we contemplate how nature works, we get a glimpse of the wonder of creation. We begin to understand the beauty and wisdom of the Universe. For example, bees build houses one beside the other in perfect shapes and harmony and ants build complete and complex dwellings underground. It is phenomenal to see how the entire Universe and creation works.

Witness the effortless activities and growth in nature. The trees do not resist the winds, the blade of grass grows steadily and the birds fly seemingly without effort. If we reflect on nature?s activities, we gain the valuable insight that there is no need to push the river ? that the natural and easy way is simply to go with the flow and let ourselves surrender to the moment in the great river of life.

The paradox of life is that joy and tragedy go hand in hand; we need one to appreciate the other. The deeper our sorrow, the deeper our joy. Sorrow is a great teacher and companion. To ask for joy without sorrow is like asking for tea without leaves. If winter is here, can spring be far away? If night is here, can day be far away? If hardship is here, can joy be far away? The answer is no. When the night is at its darkest, dawn is close by. And, only when we know and accept darkness, can we recognize the light.

Step 7 ? Enjoy the ride

Happiness is a choice we can all make. So let us make that choice and begin to be happy now, for happiness is not in a distant land, but is right here in our midst. As we think happy and be happy, we are able to face life?s challenges with confidence and relative ease. Working on the first six steps in this article gives us internal contentment of having lived to our full potential and living an ethical and empowering life, but it is the seventh step that brings about the fun and joy of life. The seventh step without the first six can bring about limited happiness, but lasting and sustained happiness comes from working on the first six steps whilst savoring and enjoying the process.

We are always postponing living: when I finish writing my book, when my children grow up, when I retire, when I move out, when I get married. The time for living is now; if we are not happy now, when will we ever be happy? Every moment is a priceless blessing. Happiness is not a destination, it is a process. Life is a journey to be savored every step of the way. As Abraham Lincoln said, ?people are as happy as they make up their minds to be?.

Our journey through life is short, like the blinking of the eyes, a brief journey through eternity. Our birth or childhood is like dawn, youth like noon, middle age like evening and death like midnight. We cannot live forever. No one knows when his or her time or that of his or her loved ones will be up. If we leave things for tomorrow, we may risk never doing them and we may never get to share with people in the ways we truly desire.

I once read a thought-provoking analogy which to the best of my knowledge is anonymous. Imagine there is a bank that credits your account every morning with $86,400, carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep no cash balance and every evening cancels whatever part of the amount you have failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent of course! Well, everyone has such a bank. It is called TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose and carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day, it opens a new account for you. Each night, it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day?s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the ?tomorrow?.

As we live every day as if it was our last day and do good to others, our life expands and flourishes. Every day becomes like eternity, every minute precious and enjoyable. Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ? give it your best in the moment and let it be a masterpiece.

Azim Jamal